PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY BRITTANI SCHLAGER
City officials and Cardinals execs announced at a press conference this morning that a major act is coming to Busch Stadium this summer: The new supergroup Wings and Roses, fronted by Sir Paul McCartney.
The roots of the group go back 25 years. Temperamental has-been Axl Rose has refused to play St. Louis ever since a young Bob McCulloch stalked him across America after a wild show at Riverport Amphitheatre years ago
. But in the spirit of terrible supergroups of yore like Asia and the Black Eyed Peas, the other members of Guns 'n Roses struck a compromise.
See also: Guns n Roses No Longer Coming to St. Louis
"We figured, we're pretty much an oldies group anyway, so why not ask another oldies singer to take Axl's place on the St. Louis stop?" mused Slash. "I mean, this hat is for looks in more ways than one: I've got a bald spot the size of a silver dollar pancake."
"It's win-win," agreed Duff McKagan. "I have a 'Safe Driving over 60' column appearing in AAA's Via Magazine
this summer. A picture of me with the frontman of Paul Revere and the Raiders is gonna blow up my readership."
As for the legendary McCartney, the chance to play with a cult band like Guns 'n Roses was an easy call.
"I've been widowed, gone through an ugly divorce and seen all me mates but Ringo die. How bad can this possibly be?," he mumbled around a veggie cheese steak. "Besides, I owe them for letting me bollix up 'Live and Let Die.'"
The show will be held June 31. Tickets go on sale tomorrow.