by Julia Burch
In 21st-century American life, we as consumers of media get a fascinating amount of insight into our favorite artists and celebrities, who at this point barely even have the illusion of privacy in their personal lives. This total transparency can make us feel closer to these larger-than-life stars, and can at times offer some truly fascinating insights into what makes them tick.
Or, in other instances, we spend an unexpected amount of time concerned about their pets' balls.
Nellyville's third episode, "Party Crasher," starts with Nelly and his niece/daughter Sydney visiting her high school (Westminster Christian Academy) to check on her grades and progress. Nelly is shocked when he learns that the girl who has failed her driving test ten times has an F in her constitutional law class, and she vows to pull her grades up to scratch.
At the hotel, Leo the bulldog is ruining Shantel's day (and her pillow), while he humps and pees on everything in sight. Nelly and Shantel debate about getting the dog neutered after Nelly points out that the dog is only mad because she "didn't let him finish." After a lengthy discussion during which Nelly fights fiercely for his dog's balls, (Where is Bob Barker when you need him?) Shantel wins out and assigns him the grim task of taking Leo to the vet. Lucky for Leo, the pair decides that Neuticles (fake dog balls) will be replacing his lost manhood.
At Nelly's house, Sydney and Shawn are packing up to go off to Chicago to visit big sister Nana in hopes that seeing the college life in action will inspire Sydney to drop her dreams of modeling in favor of Columbia University. Upon arrival, Sydney is less than impressed with Nana's "little box" of an apartment and Shawn is just ready to meet some hot college chicks.
Back in St. Louis, Nelly has a heartfelt and apologetic conversation with Leo in the car before deciding that he can't possibly take him into the vet to get neutered. Enter Nelly's right-hand man, Three, who for some reason is deemed the only other option to take the dog to the vet (maybe Shantel also failed her driving test?). Leo gets yet another reprieve when Three points out to Nelly that maybe sending Shawn along to chaperone a trip to Chicago was a really stupid idea. The two decide to pop in and check on the kids.
After some of Nana's girlfriends stop by, Shawn decides to throw a party at her apartment while she and Sydney are off wandering the college campus. They come home to a few kids dancing and standing around drinking from red cups (which apparently don't even have alcohol in them), and join in on the fun. Even if we're not holding it to the high standards set by the lavish celebrations rappers are known for, it's still a pretty lame party.
Nelly and Three show up at the door and kick everyone out. After finding out that Nana is living alone and not with a roommate like she had told her dad, Nelly and the kids all plop down on the sofa for a heart-to-heart. Nana apologizes and promises to get a roommate, Sydney decides to go to college after she graduates this year, and we'll assume that Shawn will likely spend another year failing in every single attempt he makes to meet a girl. For someone who can play the "I'm Nelly's son" card, that kid really can't seem to pick up a chick.
Leo finally goes to the vet with Three, but attempts to neuter him are once again stymied when Three doesn't know which Neuticles the dog is supposed to get. For a reason that is never explained, Three tells Nelly that the dog's Neuticles must be massaged, at which point Nelly finally decides to drop this problem back where it belongs: on Shantel's doorstep.
The episode closes out with Shantel and Nelly playing a game of "strip pool," which confusingly results in everyone remaining fully clothed, and Nelly worrying about balancing fatherhood with being cool.
Things we like: Nelly's family really does seem to enjoy each other. While the show went from too much fake drama in the first episodes to barely having a pulse this week, seeing Nelly's kids hanging out and actually enjoying each other's company is refreshing.
Nelly quote of the week: "Imma be Martin Luther King for all the dogs in America."
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