When browsing Teh Interwebz, it's important to adhere to the golden rule: DON'T READ THE COMMENTS. For real, people (including some of you and some of us) just go batshit insane when it comes to spouting their opinions regarding guns, UGG boots, burritos, kitten mittens, rain on a Monday, potholes, Gremlins 2: The New Batch or anything, ever. Trying to parse the logic behind the rhetoric simply rots the brain, so we do not recommend it.
We'll make an exception, though, when it comes to reading comments on stories about Nickelback. While we're still scratching our heads over why Chad Kroeger and friends felt compelled to weigh in on Ferguson issues, we're nonetheless grateful for the band's convictions. Otherwise, we might not have your insightful thoughts about music's place in activism and world affairs.
Do you mean, "Is a world in which Nickelback draws strength from discussions about race, sociology and police brutality real life?" In that case, yes, it is, friend. But take heart! Our readers (particularly our Twitter followers) have listened to Nickelback's new Ferguson-inspired song "Edge of a Revolution," taking great pains to dissect the tune's meaning while pondering how it might affect the situation that faces St. Louis -- and many cities worldwide -- in present times.
Release the twitter hounds of hell. Happy hunting. http://t.co/8PXMAVlTjp— J.Grant ن (@GrantGambling) November 19, 2014
OK! Do it, Rockapella! First, let's address that pesky question of if what you read this week was actually true:
Behold, the best Onion headline that isn't an actual Onion headline http://t.co/O6o9Mr39BO— Anthony Del Fiacco (@adelfiacco) November 19, 2014
Yes, readers: It's real, and it's spectacular. Have a listen:
Actually, we're not sure how spectacular it really is, considering that while we watched, we had the same expression on our faces as the kids in the video did. But maybe you fared better?
See? It's a "must listen"! Those quotation marks probably don't mean anything.
If you're a masochist and/or you hate yourself, have a listen to Nickelback's song inspired by Ferguson. http://t.co/Rm3Q6MAwwe— Karen E. Miller (@Karen_e_miller) November 19, 2014
Machinery can make beautiful noises sometimes...
Just when you thought Nickelback couldnt get any worse they come out swinging http://t.co/v4rtMWq720— m_x (@soit_goes) November 19, 2014
But maybe this Nickelback song isn't that bad?
Some article last week said we should give Nickelback a break & that they aren't really so embarrassing. PROVEN WRONG http://t.co/60qOTUSKUd— Mark Somebody (@carntankerous) November 19, 2014
Nickelback Writes Song Inspired by Ferguson Unrest http://t.co/qfE0l6RlLR— Celtic Frosty (@CelticFrosty) November 19, 2014
God is dead. Abandon all hope. http://t.co/OQT7lV4ZBs— Christopher Runyon (@CGRunyon) November 19, 2014
Nickelback's Ferguson-inspired song-->http://t.co/KyQuu8GZgH In case u feel like bleeding from the ears while losing all faith in humanity.— Alyssa Farah (@Alyssafarah) November 19, 2014
It's easy to mock Nickelback. Fun, too. http://t.co/IEpwYDgIvv— Tony Robertson (@tony_robbo) November 20, 2014
OK, OK, we get it. Still, wouldn't you like to know Kroeger's thought process while penning the lyrics?
"This is how you remind me/Of entrenched racial discrimination in our policing systems in this country" http://t.co/8redzSLeL5— David A. Graham (@GrahamDavidA) November 19, 2014
That puts things into perspective, certainly. Even if you hate the song, though, doesn't it inspire you to stand with your fellow humans on the front lines of social justice? Or something?
Oh, good point. We're hoping for peace ourselves. But sometimes celebrity commentary brings attention to important issues, right?
Attention Nobel Peace Prize judges... http://t.co/ChHhYLmxmp— Kerry Hayes (@Kerry901) November 19, 2014
good news everyone, all the problems in ferguson are solved because NICKELBACK wrote a song about it. http://t.co/zTrIeLuBxm— Sean Begin (@seanbegin_) November 19, 2014
Something tells us that those folks are being sarcastic, maybe.
I'm listening to a Nickelback song. About Ferguson. Voluntarily. Shit y'all gotta suffer with me http://t.co/9m31W5teyy— Stacey E. Singleton (@staceyNYCDC) November 19, 2014
Sigh. Yeah. OK. But how did Nickelback's newfound activism start, anyway?
Nickelback saw CNN coverage of Ferguson & thought, "Whoa! Let's do song about revolution." For fun or something. http://t.co/N0vDx5Xvgu— Kevin Gosztola (@kgosztola) November 19, 2014
"Turning on CNN is like "Wow!" Mr. Kroeger. Very astute political analysis." http://t.co/BIvaJ5n2sE— Driveswiftly (@Driveswift) November 19, 2014
"Y'know, I'm just as surprised as anybody else when something comes out of my mouth." http://t.co/bCcdTfCzhG— Leslie P. (@spasticcolon) November 19, 2014
Kroeger really shouldn't give interviews.
not sure you needed me to tell you that Chad Kroeger is an asshole but just in case: http://t.co/SDwEvlKy1R— Smarf Agonistes (@totale) November 19, 2014
So we've learned. Still, some people seem to love "Edge of a Revolution."
What happens if I really liked Nickleback's new Ferguson inspired song? http://t.co/WXJQijE18y— Peter Moskowitz (@ptrmsk) November 19, 2014
I, for one, didn't know how much I needed to hear a Nickelback song about Ferguson. http://t.co/89ahKHuqwq— B.J. Steiner (@DocZeus) November 19, 2014
While most people are like...
OK, Canada, we're officially holding you responsible now.
Nickelback: "You're welcome."
Everybody: "Wait, what? We-"
Nickelback: "YOU'RE WELCOME."November 20, 2014
On behalf of all Albertans, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for Nickelback. Seriously. http://t.co/cUI4MKlUqp— Mike Eaton (@MrMikeEaton) November 19, 2014
How the hell did we wind up like this?
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