by Daniel Hill
Look at this mattress. As you can plainly see, it is very punk. It is spray-painted and dirty, and it has a negative but in-your-face attitude. Do you want to buy it? Of course you do.
Well, you are in luck, as the owner of this very, very punk piece of bedding is selling it on Ebay! Under the title "SUCH PUNK MATTRESS," this historic piece from an "ahthentic" punk house is presently going for a scant $7.16, well within the budget of even the crustiest of oogle-punks (just give 'em a couple hours spanging in front of the gas station).
As the seller notes, it even comes with a "big fancy spraypaint autagraph," meaning it is probably worth a fortune. In the photos, we see the mattress in close proximity to a What Happens Next? flier and an Iron Lung poster, putting its punk cred through the roof. And it has reportedly been slept on by REAL PUNKS! From the Ebay description:
SUCH PUNK MATTRESS FOR SALE HERE from ahthentic "punk house". many athentic punk rocketrs might have sleep hear no scabies no babies. house to be demolished must go. broken in
Rest easy -- and you will, on this uber-punk badboy -- because this mattress has already been broken in as well, according to the seller. And no scabies! Such luxury. Such comfort. Such punk mattress.
Unfortunately you'll have to travel to Appleton, Wisconsin, in order to pick up your new bedroom furnishing -- the seller will not ship. But that's OK; it is clearly worth it.
Oh yeah, and I guess they are demolishing that house too? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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