New Kids On the Block One Direction performed in St. Louis last night at the Edward Jones Dome, bringing out scores of crazed fans who gladly stood outside in the rain for hours, for some reason, as the streets were blocked off. The young ladies milled about and presumably screamed excitedly at one another about who their favorite members of the group are, and many carried homemade signs.
Yeah, about those signs....
See also: Our full slideshow from the event
10. Harry Styles, one of the members of the band, recently grew his hair out. These ladies are betting that isn't the only part of his body with great length.
Presupposing that hair length is indicative of penis size is a slippery slope, though. If true, it would mean Asha Mandela, keeper of the longest hair in the world with 55-foot dreadlocks, is probably packing something truly terrifying. Scary to think.
9. I, like you, am also wondering what three-letter verb this fan chose to censor from her sign, which she claims to be able to make band member Niall Horan do every night. Probably best to just move along....
8. This is what is known as the "direct" approach. Getting down to business, the heart of the matter.
7. "taking off all ur clothes lil boy" is what that sign says. "Lil boy." PHRASING, please.
6. "GET IN THE VAN" is rarely an effective way to attract a mate, in my experience. Oh but look; they got something called "Nandos."
Continue to page two.
5. Inner monologue of band member onstage: "Gee I sure am hungry. I sure could go for a piece of fruit that somebody painted all over and glued to some fucking cardboard. It's too bad....oh wait....YES!"
4. Hot Mamas and truant teens: One Direction's fanbase, identified.
3. Considering the way the young ladies seem to throw themselves enthusiastically at the members of this band, I'm not so sure a "One Direction Infection" is really something you want to have. See a doctor about that.
2. I wonder what they saved her from? Probably like a burning building, or maybe the grasp of King Kong.
1. Rivalries are born at One Direction concerts. Blood feuds that run deep. These warring factions can't stay peaceful forever. They should probably just fight it out in the street and be done with it. The streets will run red with the blood of Louis Tomlinson fans. (TEAM NIALL FOREVER!!!!!1111ONEONEELEVEN)
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