by Luke Winkie
If there is one thing you can always blame music writers for, it's the utterly useless proliferation of genre tags into modern cultural dialogue. The construction of a genre can serve as hot branding for certain publications -- it's why a site like Pitchfork was totally happy to nurture an imaginary "chillwave" scene which really only encompassed about five bands in five completely different parts of the world. The connectivity of the Internet allows the idea of genre to bind our entirely asymmetrical music scene into something digestible. It's a vain attempt to give meaning and context to something that will always, always be hopelessly obfuscated.
To prove our point, we offer this quiz. Each question will feature three genres that we completely made up. The fourth is a genre legitimate enough to have its own Wikipedia page. Can you see through the fake bullshit to find the real bullshit? Good luck!
1. A. Mermaidcore B. J-Ska C. Proto-Slav D. DoomSludge Grind
2. A. Biomusic B. Chemical House C. Physical Hardcore D. Boom Boom/Bam Bam
3. A. Pickup Swing B. Delta Rap C. Tie-Dye Folk D. Brukdown
4. A. Burger-Highlife B. Christmas Funk C. Columbia Beat D. Hiccup
5. A. Neo-Classical Classical B. Rainwave C. C-Ambient D. Dick Rap
6. A. Raggamuffin B. Sacred Techno C. Ten-Ton Hammer D. Speed Drone
7. A. Jungle Blues B. Cookie Pop C. Epic Deathgrind D. Turbo-Folk
8. A. Wong Shadow B. Sword Dance C. East Canadian Drum Music D. Roll 'n Rock
Answers on next page.
1. B, J-Ska
2. A, Biomusic
3. D, Brukdown
4. A, Burger-Highlife
5. C, C-Ambient
6. A, Ragamuffin
7. D, Turbo-Folk
8. A, Wong Shadow
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