Music's Biggest Douchebags: 2013 Edition

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King Douchebag himself, Kanye West. - PHOTO BY MARCO TORRES
  • Photo by Marco Torres
  • King Douchebag himself, Kanye West.

The musical landscape abounds with douchebags of all stripes. Normally their D-bag behavior is pretty amusing, but this year things took a turn for the completely messed-up -- music might have had more douchebags in 2013 than ever before.

It was tough sifting through the bad behavior that went on this year, but I forced myself to endure it to find the worst of the worst. Let's have a toast for the biggest douchebags of the year, including douchebaggery's patron saint Kanye West, who managed to once again engage in the douchebaginess he has come to embody.

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5. Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus coming in at No. 5 only proves how awful the rest of the people on this list are. Frankly, the entire VMA performance would have probably been enough, but all the ridiculous, stoned talk-show appearances and amazingly stupid music videos earned her the coveted fifth spot on this list.

All the attention-grabbing antics aside, has Cyrus done anything musically that stands out from the crowd? No? OK, let's move on. See, all these things are silly and douchey, but if they were a promotional tool for some seriously good music, even by pop standards, I could forgive it all. What makes Miley 2013's No. 5 douchebag is that she's a public spectacle more than she is a musician. That makes it that much harder for every real musician out there, including decent pop stars.

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4. Kanye West Our patron saint had a hell of a douchey year himself, finally opening his mouth for interviews again. The result has been astounding. First there was the Zane Lowe interview, where he showed that not one thing about his attitude has changed since he became a father.

Then he got into a fight with Jimmy Kimmel for making fun of said interview, which led to an appearance of Kimmel's show where he spent eight more minutes making an ass out of himself without Jimmy having to even speak.

Next he rented a stadium to propose to his girlfriend and sued YouTube for posting video footage of it. And then if that wasn't enough, and this hits home personally, Kanye wrote off any failures of President Obama with the simple excuse that "black people don't have the same connections as Jewish people."

Yep. All in a day's work for Kanye, who realized that the only way to make himself even more of a douchebag was to start espousing anti-Semitic conspiracy theories.

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Photo by Jim Bricker
Greg Ginn with his verson of Black Flag back in August.
3. Greg Ginn Considering how cool Black Flag was at one time, and how easy it was to love its esteemed guitarist Greg Ginn -- whose badass riffs and jagged glass solos will always be the stuff of punk legend -- it sucks to have to say he outdouched Kanye West this year. But he did. Big time.

First there was the stupid lawsuit against the band's former members who make up the cover band FLAG and Henry Rollins. Then he managed to alienate the one OG Black Flag member who was standing by his side, Ron Reyes. Now he's just sad, sad man touring a version of Black Flag with no classic members other than himself, peddling his wares to the few willing to give up their hard-earned money to hear him do a theremin solo.

List continues on the next page.

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Photo by Matthew Keever
2. Tim Lambesis Like I said, things got pretty messed up this year. Since no one ultimately got hurt, we can still laugh a little bit about this one just for how stupid a person would have to be to even engage in these sorts of alleged actions, regardless of how disgusting they are.

Earlier this year, As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis was arrested and charged with soliciting an undercover police officer posing as a hitman to murder his estranged wife. The court case against him alleges that he asked guys around his gym if they knew somebody that could kill his wife. Yeah, his brilliant plan was, according to police, to ask strangers if they knew a hitman.

Any reasonable person would have seen the next part coming, but prosecutors say that Lambesis did not and instead met up with a man calling himself "Red" (an undercover police officer) who asked on tape if Lambesis wanted his wife killed. Quote Lambesis, according to the prosecution and the tape they allegedly possess of him saying this, "yes, that's exactly what I want."

Though Lambesis has pleaded not guilty to the charges, his lawyer has also issued a statement claiming that his client's "thought processes were devastatingly affected by his steroid use." Yes, if Lambesis did attempt to hire a hitman, which he claims he did not, it was only because he was in the middle of a prolonged bout of roid rage. Seems legit.

Anyway, our No. 2 douchebag of 2013 will have his case resolved next year, when we will find out definitively whether the charges against him are true or not. If proved true, they are exceedingly disturbing. In the meantime, his soon-to-be-ex-wife is suing him to the tune of $2 million in a civil suit over the incident.

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Photo by Andy Boardman/Wikimedia Commons
1. Ian Watkins

Typically this is a lighthearted award, but unfortunately the sickening actions of former Lostprophets frontman Ian Watkins have earned him a place as not only the biggest douchebag of the year, but one of the most vile people I've written about in my life. Just a month ago, Watkins pleaded guilty in a court in his home country of Wales to thirteen counts of sexual abuse against children as young as eleven months old. It feels disgusting even writing that, and one can only imagine how devastating this must be to fans, friends, family and members of the band.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a defender of Watkins or his actions; in light of this news, it will probably be difficult for anyone to enjoy the musical works he created anymore. However, I personally wish the best of luck to all the innocent people involved, including the other members of the band who can hopefully move on from this dark chapter and find some success in the future, despite the awful and tragic end their previous band suffered.

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