As of today, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has made it to 70 years old, in spite of early projections from, well, everyone (including Richards himself) that he wouldn't live that long. For most mere mortals, the hard-partying lifestyle that accompanies being a Stone is a sure-fire recipe for an early grave, but year after year Richards keeps on ticking.
To celebrate this unexpected longevity, local design company the Tremendousness Collective has produced a hilarious video, parodying the "Twelve Days of Christmas" and inserting facts from Richards' life throughout.
You know how the song goes: "Seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying," etc. -- but here, instead of your true love giving you weird bird gifts, Keith Richards is giving you gifts that correspond to oddball pieces of trivia from his life. Each number has a fun fact associated to it. The Tremendousness Collective even made an annotated guide to the references in the song, with sources -- check that out here (scroll to the bottom).
The end result is hilarious, with a chorus of children singing about "snorts of Dad" and "singing toilets" while cartoon Keith Richards visits the doctor and climbs out of his own casket at his funeral. This is the "Twelve Days of Keefmas."
We spoke with Bill Keaggy, a partner and co-founder with the Tremendousness Collective, about what inspired them to make the video.
Daniel Hill: What made you guys decide to do this?
Bill Keaggy: First, we wanted to make something interesting for the holidays. We're a new design company and sending out fun, self-initiated projects at the end of the year is something we've always liked to do -- and we wanted to make sure our first one was both interesting and weird. Our project manager Lisa Vorst is a huge Keith Richards fan, and I think she half-jokingly suggested we include Keith in the holiday project. We discussed other ideas but it didn't take long to settle on Keefmas. After that, the whole thing basically wrote itself, although it was a real struggle to keep it around a PG-13 level.
I read on your website that Vorst holds a birthday party for Richards every year. Can we come?
I think that can be arranged. Have your people get in touch with our people.
Where did you find the children to sing the song?
They are all ours! Gavin, Aubrey, Isabella, Mitchell, Zach, Liam and Sorena. They did pretty great -- by the third take they had it memorized, although now my daughter goes around singing the song but with some of the words mixed up. "Two bloody toilets" probably would have been a completely appropriate lyric for a Stones song, though.
Keith's age at death: 150. Over/under?
He could make it to at least 120. But chances are his death will bring about the coming zombie apocalypse everyone has been fearing. Keith will reanimate, hunt down Abe Vigoda, and start a new band. We think.
Check out the video below. Happy birthday Keith! Here's hoping you make it another 70, at least.
RFT MUSIC'S GREATEST HITS
The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever "Where Did My Dick Go?" The Gathering of the Juggalos' Best Overheard Quotations I Pissed Off Megadeth This Week, My (Former) Favorite Band The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.