Music, as a largely subjective medium, lends itself to some thought-provoking questions: What is the best concert you have ever seen? Which is the better band: the Rolling Stones or the Beatles? Did the career of Styx really happen? Sometimes, though, the questions are asked in the songs themselves. Many of these are fine, well-worded queries ("Are you gonna go my way?" by Lenny Kravitz or "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" by the Shirelles, for example).
Of course, it's more fun to dwell on the stupid ones. If you have any questions you would like to add, do so in the comments section below. Note, these questions should not include "Where did this writer come from?" or "How soon can he go back there?"
The philosopher Voltaire instructs us to "Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers." I prefer the wit and wisdom of the great "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, who regularly barked at his wrestling foes, "Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions." It's too late to change the inane questions that have been asked below, but perhaps we can hope for more thought-provoking ones in the future.
Bryan Adams' "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?": "Tell me have you ever really, really, really ever loved a woman?"
Really? Absolutely. Really, really? I think so. Really, really, really? I think only one-time collaborator and tantric legend Sting can truly say that he has.
Rick Springfield's "Jesse's Girl": "Where can I find a woman like that?"
The better question here is where can Jesse find a better friend than the openly covetous, super-swarthy Springfield. It's one thing to steal a sly glance at your chum's lady when you can get away with it, but if you're lookin' in the mirror all the time, wondering what she don't see in you, you are either a horrible person, Simon Cowell or (in Cowell's case) both.
Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps": "What you gonna' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?"
Come on, will.I.am. Don't ask questions for which you already have the answer.
Chicago: "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?"
Peter Cetera & Co. have repeatedly proven to have genuine issues with time, as first they didn't know whether it was 25- or (20) 6 to 4, now they apparently don't have any idea what time it is at all. Chicago may not have been the Beatles, but the band certainly sold enough records to buy its members reliable timepieces.
Continue to the next page for more dumb questions.
Katy Perry's "Firework": "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, lifting through the wind, wanting to start again?"
The Killers' "Human": "Are we human, or are we dancer?"
It's not enough that this is an overwrought hot mess of a song by an overwrought hot mess of a band, it repeatedly asks a question that offends both logically and grammatically. Guys, I'll agree to entertain the notion that somehow being a human and a dancer are mutually exclusive if you agree to agree your subjects and pronouns.
Cher's "Believe": "Do you believe in life after love?"
Everyone knows that breakups can be difficult, but there are many people in the world who've defied the odds and continued to live despite the termination of a romantic relationship. What I don't believe is that Cher actually dated Tom Cruise.
Kanye West's "Dark Fantasy": "Can we get much higher?"
Considering that when Kanye wrote and performed this song, he was unknowingly being sucked toward the vile, vapid vortex of Kardashianland, this was as high as West was going to get. Beware, Kanye -- there are some serious lows coming, and coming soon.
Continue to the next page for more dumb questions.
The Alan Parsons Project's "Games People Play": "Where do we go from here?"
The discount CD bin.
Ylvis: "What Does the Fox Say?"
If you have been unfortunate enough to hear whatever this is, you know that the answer provided is, incredibly, far dumber than the question. There is something about this worth considering, though. The video for this "song" has more than 245 million views. At a running time of 3 minutes, 45 seconds, my calculations show that over 1,754 years of human time have been spent watching the nonsensical ravings of this Norwegian duo. Think for a second: What could have been accomplished by focusing that time on something productive? A cure for cancer? An inhabitable colony on Mars? A beer that is less filling and actually does taste great? I suppose we'll never know.
You can (and should) follow Dave on Twitter @thegeeter.
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