Velvet Goldmine: Four Unsettling Soft-Rock Obscurities

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The Carpenters - ANCIENT PRESS PHOTO FROM OLD TIMEY TIMES.
  • Ancient press photo from old timey times.
  • The Carpenters

In this week's print issue, I tried to reconcile my complicated feelings about 1970s-styled soft rock. I'm old enough that I experienced this music in real time. One of the first songs I ever remember hearing is Bread's "Make It With You," which blogger/mellow historian Jason Hare identified as the first of its kind. The entire Sail Rock tour roster - Robbie Dupree, John Ford Coley, Firefall, Orleans, Christopher Cross and so forth - soundtracked my youth and my early adolescence. I've never stopped liking that stuff, even as I discovered more underground sounds in high school and college.

But while I genuinely love what is sometimes called "yacht rock," I'm also fascinated by it as a period piece. It evokes the '70s landscape I remember: a vista of earth tones, potted plants, Plymouth Dusters and "Waste Not Want Not" stickers. At the same time, I have no problem admitting that not all of it ages well. What's fascinating is when this music - technically perfect, melodically complex, harmonically tight - merges with unexpected, politically-incorrect, or borderline-criminal statements. In "Into The Night," Benny Mardones pines for a teenage lover from whom he's been separated by "fools that don't know what love is yet" (read: one pissed-off dad). In Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch," the lyrics read like a stalker's manifesto: "I want to hold you 'til I die/'Til we both break down and cry." Dr. Hook's "Sharin' The Night Together" is practically a 1970s time capsule, with its passive-aggressive come-ons and singles-bar backdrop. What holds it all together, as Hare said, is emotion. Lots and lots of emotion.

With that in mind, here are some soft-rock gems you may not have heard. Neither K-Tel nor Ronco put them on compilations. They did not appear as scene-setting music in Boogie Nights or other films. Yet there they are, as proudly, conspicuously present as a dusty Pet Rock in a thrift store.

4) The Carpenters, "Druscilla Penny" (from Carpenters LP, 1971). The Carpenters were one of the very first soft-rock bands to receive a postmodern reappraisal. Drummer Karen died of an eating disorder in 1982; by the end of the decade, indie-rock bands were covering Carpenters songs and fanzines were exploring the tragedy behind the apparent squeaky-clean image. No one foresaw any of this in 1971, however. The Carpenters' third album, a self-titled affair, included well-known songs like like "Rainy Days and Mondays" and "For All We Know." Side two, however, kicked off with what I like to call the Pathetic Groupie Suite. First there's "Superstar," a lament written by Bonnie Bramlett and Leon Russell. It was a hit, and Sonic Youth covered it much later. Lesser known, however, is "Druscilla Penny." Co-written by Richard Carpenter and John Bettis, it's a harpsichord-driven lilt reminiscent of the Left Banke, but it's entirely dedicated to putting down this poor girl. He insults her pseudonym, her looks, her hair and makeup. He sneers that he's seen her backstage and asks her what she thinks her mother would say. He actually laughs at her in the chorus ("Ha ha/ha ha ha!"). In the last verse, he lays down the final judgment: "Could you ever really love? Ever really care? Ever really get it together? No." If you can, track down World of Pooh's 1990 cover version, in which singer/bassist Barbara Manning added a few extra layers of mockery.

3) Rob Hegel, "Tommy, Judy and Me" (from Hegel LP, 1980). It starts out with a thumping bass and keyboard flourish reminiscent of a TV news-magazine theme. Over this period production, Hegel lays out the characters in his love triangle. There's Judy, the unattainable head majorette with a rebellious streak (she has a "convertible T and she drives it like a man," and "she only likes what she's never tried twice"). There's Tommy, the braggart who claims to have had sex with her. And then there's Tommy's unnamed friend, whom Hegel narrates with alternating singing and whispering. There's a hint of American Graffiti nostalgia, as was the trend in the late '70s, but this song actually predates similar tunes like "Summer of '69" and "'65 Love Affair."

Eventually our hero gets with Judy, who reveals that Tommy's impotent. What pulls "Tommy, Judy and Me" out of the ordinary, though, is its second verse: Tommy identifies as "a rebel," tired of living under The Man's rules and regulations Hence, "he says that he's bought a gun, and that someday they'll remember his name, for they are to blame/whoever 'they' are." Here Tommy's basically admitting to planning a Columbine-style killing. This being 1980, Hegel doesn't take it too seriously. He simply suggests, "Let's change the subject, Tommy. Let's talk of Judy." In those innocent days, apparently, hormones still took precedence over stopping a potential mass murder and the possibility of being identified as a co-conspirator.

2) Timothy, "Your Love Rolled Over Me" (from WTNG: Solid Bronze compilation LP, 2012). Not every garage band wanted to be the new Beatles or Stones. Some were shooting for the next America or James Taylor, as is clear from this terrific Numero Group compilation of private pressings and radio sessions. However, the opening track, Timothy Blixseth's "Your Love Rolled Over Me," is no low-budget production. James Burton appears on this track, as does Toto's Jeff Porcaro and an army of L.A. studio musicians. A lot of people put a lot of work into making this sound good. Blixseth does his best Elton John vocals, but his lyrics read like a cult leader's message to his followers. Lines like "We don't need to take the world/We just need to take our lives" could easily be misinterpreted as the last words of a Jim Jones-styled demagogue, as his minions ladle out the poisoned Flavor-Aid.

1) Seals and Crofts, "Unborn Child" (from Unborn Child LP, 1974). Who doesn't remember the pleasant folk and jazz-tinged hits of this Baha'i-following duo? Summer breezes. Jasmine in bloom. Diamond girls who "sure do shine." Desperate pleas urging women not to have abortions. Wait, what?

Oh yes, that happened. About a year after the Supreme Court issued its decision in Roe v. Wade, Seals and Crofts recorded "Unborn Child," a staunchly anti-abortion song. Jim Seals wrote the music; Lana Bogan, their engineer's wife, wrote the lyrics. (Dash Crofts was apparently absent from this songwriting session, perhaps evaluating his employability post-musical career.) Even now, this song is more shocking than anything Alice Cooper or David Bowie released during the same period. Seals and Crofts sing the first verse to the unborn child, who will "never cry, nor will you hear a sweet lullabye ... You're still a-clingin' to the tree of life/but soon you'll be cut off before you get ripe." (You can tell how urgent this plea is; Bogan was too distracted to see that she'd misused the "neither/nor" grammatical rule!) In the second verse, Bogan turned the appeal to the mother herself, begging her to "please bear the pain" and "just let it be." Each verse is followed by a dramatic chorus: "Mama, stop! Turn around, go back, think it over." Seals and Crofts not only released this as a single, but made it the freakin' title track of their sixth album. "Unborn Child" reached Number 66, which is still pretty impressive in an age when abortion was even more contentious than it is now. They didn't have another hit until 1976's "Get Closer."

See Also: - The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue - Ten Bands You Never Would Have Thought Used to Be Good - The Top 15 Things That Annoy the Crap Out of Your Local Sound Guy

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