by Drew Ailes
There are things out there in bad taste. My parents' dog is named after a member of the band KISS. While that sucks, there are, most certainly, even worse things. Things that prove that if there is a higher power, then it most certainly just hates us.
See Also: - The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos
Yesterday, a new music video started to get a lot of attention on the 'net. It is for a song called "Asian Girlz." Yes, "Girlz." Yes, with a Z. And the song is from a band called Day Above Ground, whose name makes me think of gray-skinned mutants living below Earth's surface, lusting for human women. What they actually are isn't too far from that, really.
"Girlz." "Girlz." Read it again -- "Girlz."
If you haven't yet seen this deranged pile of feces for yourself you are in luck, because I'm about to sum it up for you in the order that it came to me. Watch for yourself and follow along:
The first line of music in the song is the stereotypical "Oriental" riff also found in the song "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors. Fine in a certain context, maybe. But Day Above Ground manages to overstep that boundary pretty quick, bashing you over the head immediately with ham-fisted, overt racism.
Thirty-four seconds into this video and my mind is racing with confusion, like I've just ingested some sort of over-the-counter fake weed you buy at a headshop. This is the music-video equivalent to smoking saliva and having your brain shit its own pants. The lead singer looks like Kato Kaelin, superstar Cinemax porno actor and No. 1 hottie of the O.J. Simpson trial. The rest of the band looks like they were all the singer of the band Crazy Town at some point, and are only there because someone else in the band still had an 8-ball left. And then there's some guy with a bow tie, which you know they just said, "HEY WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY IF MARC LOOKED LIKE A LITTLE NEWSPAPER BOY?"
I haven't even tackled the video's premise yet. Some typical "hot" girl has a bunch of goober dipshits shrunk down in a canary cage in her room, which is adorned with paper lanterns and tiny stuffed animals. She goes and takes a bath and the dudes all disrobe to their neutral-toned boxer-briefs and dive in. And then one of them swims into her vagina. Throughout all of this, the tiny men say offensive and stereotypical things about Asian women. They end the video by listing off Asian foods.
Although odd, this shrinking concept reminds me of something. It's something I've been wanting to reference for years. It is a website I stumbled across called Giantess Miss Liz, a site where a fake-breasted woman pretends to be a giant, using action figures and miniature men (warning, very NSFW). So apparently having sex with a gargantuan has finally hit the mainstream.
That aside, these guys are your typical Orange County slime -- dickbags with an impossible amount of tattoos unless you have parents who pay your rent. This is the same class of losers who brought us a bunch of cheesy Avenged Sevenfold-style garbage metal with mirrored aviator shades and leather vests in the early and mid 2000s. But its look isn't the worst of it. Even the Z on the end of "Girlz" isn't the worst of it. "G-i-r-l-z."
The most infuriating part about this is that you know these guys knew what they were doing. I'm calling it -- that dude with the softball tee and the plugs thought of this idea and knew it would...well, I don't know, get them a lot of attention on the Internet, I guess. But the song starts by prematurely dropping an F-bomb and saying, "Bitch, I love you." And then it talks about "pussy stabbing." Are we supposed to assume that this was just some unfortunate accident? That their earnest song declaring their adoration of Asian women just happened to also be unfortunately misguided, misogynistic and extremely racist?
Other choice lines: "I love your sticky rice/butt-fuckin' all night." Also, "It's the year of the dragon/ninja pussy I'm stabbin'." Really, I could list every single line of the song here. They are all unbelievably offensive, but it's better to just see for yourself. Especially nice is when they threaten to "send back" the object of their affection if she doesn't sit on their lap. What?
One thing we can give Day Above Ground credit for is being truthful in its portrayal of fratboy rock in a way that escaped bands like LFO, O.A.R. and Guster -- with a clear tone of racism and the distinct impression that one of these guys may actually sexually assault you. Bravo, boys.