Andrew W.K.: Rocker, composer, fashion plate, motivational guru, and most importantly -- via his primo Twitter feed -- longtime purveyor of party tips. From practical advice to profundity, inspiration to hilarity, his near-daily tips offer something for everybody, not only how to get the party started but how to live life to the absolute fullest. But how well have you been paying attention? In anticipation of his upcoming show at the Firebird, perhaps you, in the comfort of your apartment (or is that your APARTYMENT), should take our Good-Time Andrew W.K. Party Tip Knowledge Quiz and find out:
1. PARTY TIP: Sometimes all it takes to feel good is _____.
A. Some rock B. Fig Newtons C. Running through the rain with your mouth open D. A party
2. PARTY TIP: Listen to _____. Hear God.
A. The sound of the ocean in a seashell B. Merzbow C. Bach D. Dr. Phil
3. PARTY TIP: List 3 things you love (besides bananas), and share it. Mine are: _____.
A. Rap Music, Cool Snacks & Tube Socks. B. Madeleine Albright, The Utah Jazz & The Vienna School of Fantastic Realism . C. Partying, Partying & Partying. D. Chinese finger traps, Vegemite & that guy who plays the dickhead in Ghostbusters and Real Genius.
4. PARTY TIP: _____ something, even if it's just yourself.
A. Snuggle B. Caress C. Hump D. Blow your nose on
5. PARTY TIP: Give somebody a _____, even if it's yourself!
A. Party B. Josh Groban DVD C. High-five D. Bloody nose
6. PARTY TIP: Don't use _____.
A. Jelly B. Q-tips, use WaxVac C. People D. Shampoo
7. PARTY TIP: Imagine if I _____ you.
A. Inhaled B. Adopted C. Disemboweled D. Partied with
8. PARTY TIP: I'm challenging you to do one _____. You can do more if you want, but it'll be so cool if you do at least one!
A. Banana daiquiri jello shot B. Dine-and-dash C. Push-up D. Line of Ajax-laced methamphetamine
9. PARTY TIP: On this day, party like _____ and enjoy something green!
A. Al Gore B. Megan Fox C. That creepy sorcerer dude in Big Trouble in Little China D. A leprechaun
10. PARTY TIP: _____. It feels so good! Then just shower and put on fresh clothes.
A. Party so hard you crap yourself B. Pour gatorade over yourself like you won the Super Bowl C. Pee in your pants D. Give Abe Vigoda a butt rub
11. PARTY TIP: Replace "I can't" with _____.
A. "Hell yeah" B. "What would Manute Bol do?" C. "Fahrvergnügen" D. "I can't not party"
12. PARTY TIP: Read the writing of _____.
A. Albert Einstein B. Al Goldstein C. Woodward & Bernstein D. Shel Silverstein
13. PARTY TIP: _____ can be attracted by a simple dish of sweet cream caramel on your window sill.
A. Justin Bieber B. Young bumble bees C. A duck-billed platypus D. People who like to party
14. PARTY TIP: Take a shower wearing _____. It's way more intense than you'd expect!
A. Sunglasses B. Phosphorus pentachloride C. A shower cap made out of Alka-Seltzer tablets D. A fur coat
15. PARTY TIP: If you don't _____ , you won't get to the other side.
A. Go through the wall B. Go over the top C. Go totally bananas D. Pay the ferryman
16. PARTY TIP: When you're driving, give the car next to you _____ . Then tell me what happens!
A. The finger B. Some Captain Hook's Fish and Chips and a pirate hat C. A full spray from your clip D. A thumbs up and a smile
17. PARTY TIP: Go to an all-girls college and talk to them about _____.
A. Fawn Liebowitz B. Charles Bukowski C. Partying D. Synaesthesia
18. PARTY TIP: When did you last eat _____!?
A. Pop-Rocks B. Roast chicken breast C. Pigs in a blanket D. Glass
19. PARTY TIP: Go outside. If you're already outside, touch a _____.
A. Crossing guard B. Squirrel's nuts C. Person's life with song D. Tree
20. PARTY TIP: _____.
A. Guacamole B. Pogo sticks C. Be transmundane D. Party
Answers on the next page, party on ahead!
Answers: 1. Sometimes all it takes to feel good is _____. A: Some rock
2. Listen to _____. Hear God A: Bach
3. List 3 things you love (besides bananas), and share it. Mine are: _____. A: Rap Music, Cool Snacks & Tube Socks
4. _____ something, even if it's just yourself. A: Snuggle
5. Give somebody a _____, even if it's yourself! A: High-five
6. Don't use _____. A: Shampoo
7. Imagine if I _____ you. A: Adopted
8. I'm challenging you to do one _____. You can do more if you want, but it'll be so cool if you do at least one! A: Push-up
9. On this day, party like _____ and enjoy something green! A: A leprechaun
10._____. It feels so good! Then just shower and put on fresh clothes. A: Pee in your pants
11. Replace "I can't" with _____. A: "Hell yeah"
12. Read the writing of _____. A: Shel Silverstein
13. _____ can be attracted by a simple dish of sweet cream caramel on your window sill. A: Young bumble bees
14. Take a shower wearing _____. It's way more intense than you'd expect! A: Sunglasses
15. If you don't _____ , you won't get to the other side. A: Go over the top
16. When you're driving, give the car next to you _____ . Then tell me what happens! A: A thumbs up and a smile
17. Go to an all-girls college and talk to them about _____. A: Partying
18. When did you last eat _____!? A: Roast chicken breast
19. Go outside. If you're already outside, touch a _____. A: Person's life with song
20. PARTY TIP: _____. A: Party
Score -- 17-20: Who's that knocking at your door? It's Andrew W.K., coming to party with YOU! 12-16: Your party is good, but it's not one for the ages 6-11: You're not partying to your fullest potential, come on! 0-5: You're the lamest partier ever and/or don't use Twitter.
See also: -The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender -Crotching Whiskey at the Justin Bieber Concert and Getting Thrown Out: A Review -The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever -The Ten Worst Music Tattoos Ever
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.