Nobody Cares About the St. Louis Rams: The Song

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Peter Hughes (center, with his Mountain Goats bandmates) certainly doesn't. - D.L. ANDERSON
  • D.L. Anderson
  • Peter Hughes (center, with his Mountain Goats bandmates) certainly doesn't.

Peter Hughes, who now plays bass with the Mountain Goats, had a band called DiskothiQ in the '90s. It was, in Hughes' words, "semi-competent indie-rock with bad singing." Together with his brother Kevin and Kevin Trapp, he released four albums. They have some truly wonderful moments but probably serve best today as a collectors' item for Mountain Goats completists. And that would be it, except that the final release of DiskothiQ was a double concept record called The Football Albums, which contains one song about each NFL team. See where we're headed with this?

See also: -The Mountain Goats and Water Liars at the Gargoyle, 4/21/12: Review and Setlist -The Five Greatest Moments in St. Louis Rams History -Even Denver Fans See Kroenke Moving Rams to L.A.

There it is, in all its glory: "Rams," by DiskothiQ. Here are the lyrics:

Oh when they lived in Los Angeleez
Some people cared every occasionally.
After they moved to Disneyland
A few people still cared every now and then.

Oh but:
Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams? Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams?

Well in the summer of 1998 There was another sport and it was pretty great. And if anyone in St. Louis cared about the Rams before. I can't imagine that that person gives two goddamns anymore.

Because:
Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams? Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis

Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams? Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Lou...

Key change!

Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams? Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis

Another key change!

Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams? Nobody cares about the St. Louis Rams. How could anybody care about the St. Louis Rams?

It goes on like that a little longer. A bit of context: This came out in October 1999. Sportsfans will note that the Rams had actually just begun a season that would end with them winning their first Super Bowl in St. Louis, but to be fair they were terrible the year before that. So when this song was written, the team was coming off a 4-12 season and a second straight fifth place finish in the NFC West. And while this kicked off a few years of the Greatest Show on Turf, history repeats itself. The song is now oddly pertinent again, what with the recent woes and whispering that, in fact, so few people care about the St. Louis Rams that they might go back to LA.

But that's missing the best part of this whole project, which is how deadly earnest it is. Hughes is obviously a huge NFL fan, and as a resident of California he grew up a fan of the LA Rams. So like any true devotee, his worldview is completely informed by his own rooting interest. That plays out elsewhere on the record -- he seems to have adopted the Chargers once the Rams left, and his song about the Broncos (at the time coming off back-to-back Super Bowl wins) is mean-spirited ribbing of the logo. Good shit.

Hughes provides commentary on each of the tracks on Bandcamp. Here's what he has to say about "Rams."

I remember the Rams. I remember reading as a little kid that Pat Haden had been a "Rhodes Scholar," and even though I basically had no idea what that meant, I knew that it was something that I, already brainy and uncool at age 7, could look upon with pride. I remember, inexplicably, a game at the Coliseum against the St Louis Cardinals which sold out at the last minute, meaning the customary TV blackout was lifted! I remember Super Bowl XIV, the Rams and the Steelers at the Rose Bowl, and there being hope for the Rams until quite late in the game, and the light in the sky outside looking exactly like the light in the sky on television. I remember going to a Monday night game in Anaheim with a friend from school in his dad's new '82 Corvette, and thinking this sucks and not being disappointed when we left late in the third quarter. A team that will suck until the owner dies or can be persuaded to sell it. Too bad: still one of the best uniforms in the game.

So here it is, you dozens upon dozens of fans of both lo-fi pop music and the NFL -- here's a year's worth of shit to talk about at parties. Lord knows we're going to, incessantly -- head's up in case you see us out at a show anytime soon.


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