You think that's coffee in there? Why do you think he looks so smug?
Now that St. Patrick's Day has passed and we're still a couple of weeks away from the half-year binge known as baseball season, St. Louis' recreational drinkers are left looking for an excuse to put on our wobbly boots. Thank goodness, then, that our local NPR affiliate, 90.7 FM (KWMU), has its biannual
pledge drive er, membership campaign under way. So crank your tuner to the left of the dial, pour your favorite elitist local microbrew into your I [heart] NPR mug (yours for a $5-per-month donation!) and actually enjoy listening to St. Louis Public Radio shake its can of change. The spring fundraising drive is on the air till Friday, March 23.
The goal: Get drunk enough to actually donate money to the station, while learning about, say, Congolese warlords or the dance of Malaysian honey bees. (We'll gladly fork over some cash just for the head rush that accompanies NPR's West Africa correspondent Ofeibea Quist-Arcton saying Dakaaaar.)
Click through for the drinking game's rules...
Drink every time:
- Announcer explains how, even though St. Louis Public Radio is free to listen to, it's not free, free
- A morning host says how much Diane Rehm loves it when people from St. Louis call in to her show
- Announcer mentions "driveway moments"
- Ira Glass lays on the guilt trip, threatens to call you at home
- Finish everything in your NPR mug if Ira Glass actually does call you at home, then retracts his previous guilt trip and apologizes
- It's mentioned that the station has just two fundraising campaigns a year rather than three, so you can enjoy more of its in-depth reporting about warlords and bees
- Someone throws down a "challenge" to raise a wholly unrealistic sum of money before the end of the hour (i.e., $2,700 in the next twelve minutes)
- Two drinks if the challenge is sponsored by a doctor or a law firm
- Announcer notes that it costs $35 to become a member of St. Louis Public Radio, but many people choose to give more
- Finish everything in your glass if announcer coolly suggests donating more than $100 a month
- You hear the words "sustaining" or "cornerstone"
- The number to call to make a donation, 314-516-4000, is said two or more times in a row
- Chug every drop in your possession if an announcer tacks on the word "bitches," as in, "Call 314-516-4000 to donate now, bitches!" and donate one year's salary -- winner!