100 St. Louis Bands, 100 Drink Pairings: A Comprehensive Guide

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IT'S LIKE HAVING TOM CRUSIE AT YOUR BECK AND CALL AT EVERY ST. LOUIS SHOW.
  • It's like having Tom Crusie at your beck and call at every St. Louis show.

Oh, the interwebz. You give us so many awesome gifts. You even take things that are already awesome, and then you put a kitten on them and make them even awesomer. For that we thank you.

Today we celebrate Drinkify.org. This site is hot stuff this week -- it's being posted all over social media web sites and linked in emails. Drinkify is an online drinking guide that pairs the music you are listening to with a suggested cocktail. It's kind of like having your own personal smart, crunk sommelier.

The design is simple: you type in a band name, click a button that reads "What Should I Drink" and then Drinkify sends you back a photo of the band and and ingredient list with instructions. Drinkify's output is based on a combination of search results, including band biographies, images and top tracks. The drink suggestions are usually cocktails, and many of them are eerily-similar to the fancy-folk drinks that are served up at the Royale.

Because there is so much information available online, the results are sometimes scary-accurate. For example, if a band puts its favorite beer in its bio, that is probably the beer that Drinkify will suggest.

To test out the site and get an accurate sample of the responses supplied by Drinkify, I searched for every band and performer who was nominated for our RFT Music Awards this year plus some classic St. Louis performers and a few personal favorites.

The results ranged from W.T.F. (Pokey LaFarge) to SHOCKINGLY ACCURATE (Sex Robots) to YEAH, PROBABLY (Funky Butt Brass Band) to THAT'S RAW (Murphy Lee).

Of course, there were some glitches; it's not a perfect system. But there were some cool surprises, too. Here's a few findings of my research:

  • Drinkify didn't offer a suggested cocktail for every band I tried or it returned the wrong result. Which is a shame, really, because I'd like to buy Magic City a drink. (Ed. seconded.)
  • Sometimes Drinkify gave cocktail result but with no band picture included to certify that this drink was, indeed, for this band. I decided that these results probably couldn't be relied upon, until I searched for .e. Drinkify says that when listening to .e, the suggested cocktail is 12 oz. of marijuana, served on the rocks. Yeah, that sounds about right.
  • Drinkify is totally postmodern. It is aware of itself and of other memes. For instance, a search for the Jumpstarts resulted with a suggestion of "4 oz. of White whine."
Check out our comprehensive list below. Which drink would you most like to try? If you're an artist, will you be sampling your own drink? And who had a cool result that wasn't included on this list?

"THE BETH BOMBARA" 6 oz. Home brew Serve neat. Stir quickly. Garnish with sprig of mint.

"THE BIG GEORGE BROCK" 8 oz. Vodka Serve neat. Stir vigorously.

"THE BLACK SPADE" 6 oz. Rum Serve on rocks. Stir slowly.

"THE BLIND EYES" 12 oz. Horilka 12 oz. Coke Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE BOREAN DUSK" 8 oz. Woodford Reserve Bourbon Serve neat. Stir quickly. Garnish with twist of lemon.

"THE BOTTLE ROCKETS" 8 oz. Moonshine 8 oz. V812 oz. Grapefruit juice Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir vigorously. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

"THE BREAKS" 8 oz. Coke 8 oz. Tequila Añejo 8 oz. Coffee Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE BUNNYGRUNT" 12 oz. Vodka Serve neat. Garnish with twist of grapefruit.

"THE BRADD YOUNG" 6 oz. Ogogoro Serve on rocks.

"THE BROTHERS LAZAROFF" 4 oz. Fernet Serve neat. Stir vigorously. Garnish with wedge of pineapple.

"THE BRYANT STEWART" 1 bottle Chilli pepper Vodka 1 bottle Iced tea 4 oz. Jägermeister Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Garnish with salt.

"THE CASSIE MORGAN" 4 oz. Microbrew Serve neat. Stir slowly. Garnish with cocktail onions.

"THE CHUCK BERRY" 8 oz. Maker's Mark Bourbon 8 oz. Pineapple juice Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir vigorously.

"THE CONFORMISTS" 1 Anchor Steam Serve cold. Garnish with fresh berries.

"THE CROSS EXAMINATION" 1 Brooklyn Lager Serve cold.

"THE DAVE BLACK" 1 bottle Merlot Serve at room temperature.

"THE DENISE THIMES" 1 oz. Hendricks Gin 1 oz. Nordic Mist 1 oz. Nordic Mist Combine in highball glass and serve. Garnish with wedge of watermelon.

"THE DISAPPEARED" 2 oz. Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey Serve neat.

"THE DOOM TOWN" 12 oz. Pisco Serve on rocks. Garnish with national flag.

"THE DUBB NUBB" 2 oz. Havana Club Dark Rum Serve neat.

"THE EARTHWORMS" 6 oz. Rum Serve neat. Stir slowly.

"THE FISTER" 4 oz. Canadian Club Whiskey 4 oz. Coco López 8 oz. Fernet Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

"THE FONTELLA BASS" 10 oz. Gin Serve neat. Garnish with fire.

"THE FRANKENHOOKERS" 1 oz. Cachaça 1 oz. Lemon sour Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE FRESH HEIR" 1 oz. Blackwoods Gin Serve on rocks. Stir slowly. Garnish with twist of grapefruit. "THE FUNKY BUTT BRASS BAND" 4 oz. Absinthe Serve on rocks. Garnish with straw.

"THE GRAVITY KILLS" 10 oz. Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey 10 oz. Nordic Mist Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Stir quickly.

"THE GREEK FIRE" 1 Bud Light Serve cold.

"THE HAMIET BLUIETT" 1 bottle Red Wine Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

"THE HUMANOIDS" 1 PBR Serve cold.

"THE HUMDRUM" 1 oz. Bottled water Serve neat. Stir quickly.

"THE IKE TURNER" 2 oz. Vodka Serve neat. Stir vigorously.

"THE ILLPHONICS" 1 Red Stripe Serve cold.

"THE INCURABLES" 6 oz. Kaoliang Serve on rocks. Stir slowly.

"THE JAVIER MENDOZA" 8 oz. Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey Serve neat. Stir vigorously.

"THE JAY FARRAR" 1 oz. Canadian Club Whiskey 1 oz. Grenadine Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE JOE STICKLEY" 1 oz. Macallan Scotch 1 oz. Sweetened lime juice Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

"THE JON HARDY" 6 oz. Rum Serve on rocks. Stir quickly.

"THE JUMBLING TOWERS" 1 Brooklyn Lager Serve cold.

"THE KENTUCKY KNIFE FIGHT" 8 oz. Maotai Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously. Garnish with twist of lemon.

"THE LEFT ARM" 1 Rolling Rock Serve cold.

"THE LION'S DAUGHTER" 8 oz. Mezcal Serve neat.

"THE LUCABRASI" 1 Sierra Nevada Pale Ale Serve cold.

"THE LUDO" 8 oz. Laphroaig Scotch 8 oz. Grenadine 1 oz. Rose's lime juice Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir quickly. Garnish with glowstick.

"THE MAGNOLIA SUMMER" 8 oz. Talisker Scotch 8 oz. Red Bull Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE MARQUISE KNOX" 1 oz. Arrack Serve on rocks. Garnish with celery stalk.

"THE MONADS" 8 oz. Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously.

"THE MURPHY LEE" 12 oz. Cough syrup 12 oz. Moonshine Serve on rocks. Garnish with cocktail onions.

"THE NATO CALIPH" 12 oz. Rum 12 oz. Lemon juice Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

"THE DJ NEEDLES" 6 oz. Fucking Rum Serve on rocks. "THE NELLY" 10 oz. Gin Serve on rocks. Stir quickly. Garnish with pickled asparagus.

"THE OLIVER SAIN" 1 bottle Red wine Serve at room temperature. Garnish with sugar.

"THE PALE DIVINE" 12 oz. Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey 12 oz. Egg whites 2 oz. Tonic water Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir vigorously. Garnish with twist of lemon.

"THE PETER MARTIN" 10 oz. Vodka 10 oz. Grenadine 6 oz. Monster Energy Drink Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir quickly. Garnish with glowstick.

"THE POKEY LAFARGE" 1 oz. Żubrówka Vodka 1 oz. Red Bull Combine in highball glass and serve

"THE PRETTY LITTLE EMPIRE" 4 oz. Maotai Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously. Garnish with fire.

"THE PRINCE EA" 6 oz. Glenfiddich Scotch Serve neat. Stir slowly. Garnish with sugar.

"THE RA CAILUM" 8 oz. Water Serve neat.

"THE RAGLANI" 1 Berliner Weisse Serve cold. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

"THE REGGIE THOMAS" 4 oz. Arak Serve on rocks. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

"THE ROCKIN JAKE" 1 oz. Marijuana Serve neat. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

"THE ROCKWELL KNUCKLES" 10 oz. Beefeater Gin Serve on rocks. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

"THE ROUGH SHOP" 1 bottle Red wine Serve at room temperature.

"THE RUM DRUM RAMBLERS" 12 oz. Armagnac 12 oz. Coke Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

"THE SCRIPTS 'N SCREWZ" 8 oz. Absolut Vodka Serve neat. Stir slowly. Garnish with wedge of kiwi.

"THE SEX ROBOTS" 4 oz. Talisker Scotch Serve neat. Stir vigorously. Garnish with cocktail monkey.

"THE SHAVED WOMEN" 1 oz. Ouzo Serve neat.

"THE SINE NOMINE" 12 oz. Water 12 oz. Lemon juice Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

"THE SLEEPY KITTY" 8 oz. Rum, Fucking Rum 8 oz. Coco López Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE SO MANY DYNAMOS" 1 La Fin du Monde Serve cold.

"THE SON VOLT" 1 oz. Sipsmith Gin 1 oz. Rose's lime juice Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir quickly.

"THE ST. LUNATICS" 8 oz. Cough syrup 8 oz. Canadian Club Whiskey Serve on rocks. Stir slowly. Garnish with sugar.

"THE STORY OF THE YEAR" 10 oz. Whiskey Serve on rocks.

"THE SYNA SO PRO" 10 oz. Fucking Rum 10 oz. Lemon juice 10 oz. Tequila Reposado Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. "THE TEDDY PRESBERG" 1 bottle Red wine Serve at room temperature. Garnish with olive.

"THE TERESAJENEE" 1 oz. Hennessy 1 oz. Coffee Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE THEODORE" 6 oz. Vodka Serve neat. Garnish with wedge of kiwi.

"THE TEF POE" 8 oz. Cognac 8 oz. Coco López Combine in highball glass and serve.

"THE TRIP DADDYS" 4 oz. Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey Serve on rocks. Garnish with olive.

"THE TROUBADOUR DALI" 1 bottle Organic red wine Serve at room temperature. Garnish with cucumber.

"THE TIGHT PANTS SYNDROME" 10 oz. Maker's Mark Bourbon 10 oz. Ice Cream 1 oz. Milk Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir vigorously. Garnish with sugar.

"THE ULTRAMAN" 4 oz. Laphroaig Scotch Serve neat. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

"THE UNCLE TUPELO" 8 oz. Sipsmith Gin 8 oz. Nordic Mist 2 oz. Glenfiddich Scotch Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Stir quickly.

"THE UNION TREE REVIEW" 10 oz. Apricot Brandy Serve on rocks. Garnish with glowstick.

"THE VANDALYZM" 12 oz. Jägermeister 12 oz. 7-up Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Stir vigorously.

"THE 7 SHOT SCREAMERS" 8 oz. Maker's Mark Bourbon 8 oz. Nordic Mist Combine in highball glass and serve. Stir vigorously.

NO RESULTS RETURNED: Bikini Acid Blind Nils Britches Buxom Space Fish Celia Shacklett Colonel Ford Corbeta Corbata Diesel Island The Dive Poets Dots Not Feathers Dust Bunny Egg Chef Ellen the Felon Eric Hall Everything Went Black Flaming Death Trap Flex Boogie The Fuck Off and Dies Ghost Ice Glass Teeth Good 4 the Soul The Haddonfields Half Gay Indiana Rome Karate Bikini Lamar Harris Langen Neubacher Lavelle Spitz Machree Masculine Journey Maximum Effort Morgan Nusbaum Née Nune Prairie Rehab Roland Johnson and the Voodoo Blues Band Rough Grooves Safety Words Skarekrau Radio The Skekses The Soul Alliance featuring CoCo Soul Spelling Bee There's a Killer Among Us 18andCounting 40 'Til 5

NAME WOULDN'T SEARCH: We're Wolf

ON THE LIST, BUT WITHOUT A PHOTO: Black James Caleb Travers Catholic Guilt Dogtown Allstars .e Ground Floor Band Jay Fay The Jumpstarts Messy Jiverson MoTre The Phonocaptors Scotty Mac Theresa Payne The Vondrukes Warm Jets USA

ON THE LIST, BUT WAS THE WRONG RESULT: Aloha Bo & the Locomotive Buz Forensic Kevin Harris Magic City Rats & People Motion Picture Orchestra Rob Lemon Sweet Tooth Tok

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