Open letter to the thief who stole “Hammy”
Sunday, March 21st at 10:48 am, Hammy was taken from his home, and his job. I am the person who made him what he had become- the cutest and happiest covid-restriction sign on the planet (as far as I know, anyway). I was very proud of him, and yesterday morning some drunk ding-dongs (who I had even talked to for a moment) thought that it would be hilarious to steal him from us, when no one was looking. I saw the whole thing on camera after the fact. The incident ruined my whole day. I thought of how the man probably lived in a house full of cats and cardboard cut-outs, and thought that this would look great next to his Elvis, or Danny Devito standee, but then I decided that probably wasn’t the case. For a second, I kinda felt flattered, thinking that he took it because he loved the message and the lettering- but I quickly dismissed that thought. A person who steals so shamelessly has no eye for fine art. I am sure it was just the novelty of being drunk in a crowded bar and stealing something so large and silly, when no one was looking. I know that the novelty probably wore off pretty quickly, once the thieves got it home and realized that it really meant nothing to them- just the thrill of taking it. I hope that it brings them a little shame every time they look at poor Hammy. By now Hammy is probably torn, bent, broken, with beer spilled all over him, and maybe a little cat vomit, or even *gasp* already thrown in the dumpster. C’mon, dudes. You had your thrill. Bring him back.
If you know anything about Hammy’s whereabouts, please let us know. I have asked for another Hamm’s Bear, but already know that there really was only one Hammy.
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.