Earlier this month, St. Louis' first-ever sparkling bar, Pop (1915 Park Avenue)
, opened its doors in Lafayette Square
. But while we've enjoyed sipping its fine wines, we couldn't help but think the name seemed a tad bit ... familiar.
It's not just the famous Pop Champagne Bar in Pasadena, California. The metro region itself is already home to two bars with the word "pop" in their name — the wild and raunchy 24-hour Sauget shitshow Pop's Nightclub (401 Monsanto Avenue, Sauget)
and the south-city hippie favorite Pop's Blue Moon (5249 Pattison Avenue)
. And that's without even getting into the charms of Pop's Steak, Fish and Chicken (3651 South Grand Boulevard)
... because what could possibly compete with the joy of ordering steak at a drive-thru window?
Realizing we couldn't possibly be the only lush confused by these three Pops, we set out to create a quiz that will help even the drunkest reader answer that pivotal St. Louis question: Where the hell am I?
Answer key below.
Q: How did you end up here tonight?
A: I read about the hot new place in the RFT
. Champagne and caviar, here I come!
B. I've been learning the Dobro. It's in my van outside, and I am seriously giving some thought to joining this jam session.
C: If I'm being honest I have absolutely no recollection. Just a haze of booze and poor decisions I guess.
Q: What are you looking at right now?
A: Vintage mirrors, brightly colored art .... and what appears to be the Real Housewives of Lafayette Square.
B. I have never seen such a collection of lava lamps outside of a basement apartment.
C: Three women I'm pretty sure are strippers appear to have run afoul of that bouncer over there. But I'm more worried about the bouncer, as I think the ladies could probably take him.
Q: What's the last thing you ate?
A. Focaccia topped with capicola, iberico and an arugula pesto, of course. That Dave Bailey knows his appetizers.
B. A jerk chicken pasta — my own recipe, adapted from my pilgrimage to Jamaica in 1982.
C. A gigantic pile of meat and cheese sold to me out of a wagon of some kind by a guy who claimed he was once on the Food Network but then, when pressed, immediately admitted he was lying to make a sale. Tasted fine but now my arteries hurt.
Q: Who are you here with?
A. My true love. Date night!
B. My softball league teammates. Sunday Funday!
C: A collection of what are, by far, my most irresponsible friends. A cavalcade of degenerates barely able to function in society, much less thrive. In other words, the fun ones.
Q: What do you hear?
A. The intoxicating hum of lively conversation.
B. A little Phish, a little bluegrass. Someone covered Sublime on a mandolin earlier, and that was cool.
C: A nu-metal version of a Richard Marx song performed by a band that collectively has no fewer than six eyebrow piercings.
Q: Where to next?
A: Maybe upstairs for a nightcap at Bailey's Chocolate Bar ... or next door for one last glass of wine at 33.
B. I'm about to put a cork in this one. Used to party all night, but I learned my lesson.
C. Gonna sleep in this parking lot until the sun comes up. Any other decision I could possibly make tonight would assuredly be an extremely poor one leading to arrest and/or destitution.
Q: Would you ever come here sober?
A. Sure, for that focaccia.
B. I went to one of their booze-free Saturdays
, and that was cool, so yeah.
C. Are you fucking kidding me? Not on your life.
Did you get mostly As?
Congratulations, you're at Pop, the new Dave Bailey spot in Lafayette Square! Celebrate your good judgment with a glass of Prosecco.
Did you get mostly Bs?
You, good sir, are at Pop's Blue Moon. Hoist a pint.
Did you get mostly Cs?
You've found yourself at Pop's Nightclub yet again, you drunken fool. You really need to get your shit together. After one more round, of course....
Did you get a smattering of all the above?
Is it possible that you've left one of St. Louis' many fine Pop-themed drinking establishments and are in fact passed out in the drive-thru lane at Pop's? It's happened to the best of us.
May we suggest a trip to Sauget to sober up a bit?