On September 7, St. Louis was subject to one of the crueler experiments in recent memory. For three days, a team of spies operated in our midst, conducting an elaborate test aimed at shredding our last vestige of civic pride. And it worked.
Setting up camp in the Anheuser-Busch capital of the world, these Miller Brewing Company saboteurs offered 361 unsuspecting drinkers at a bar downtown two different beers in unmarked plastic cups. Mind you, these were not craft beer drinkers being pulled in to do the taste-test. These were the sort of St. Louisans happy to drink what their dad drank and their grandfather before them — or at least a low-cal version of it. They were, in short, Bud Light drinkers.
And then, the out-of-town visitors somehow swayed a huge portion of these brand-loyal, hometown proud drinkers into voting not for tradition, not for family values, but for color, aroma and taste. Like we said: a cruel trick.
The results were very bad. In fact, 76 percent of their test subjects reported that Miller Lite was better than Bud Light. That's even better than the national average Miller is getting for this stunt — across the U.S., only 72 percent choose Miller Lite over Bud Light. Et tu, St. Louis?
Not content to disparage privately the brewery that put our city on the map, Miller Brewing Company then released a video detailing AB's humiliation right there in its own backyard.
Seriously, what a bunch of assholes.
Sadly, the thing looks all too legit. That's clearly a St. Louis bar (we're pretty sure it's Tin Roof) and those are clearly St. Louis boozehounds (Cardinals jerseys everywhere). We couldn't find any flaw in their methodology (other than, you know, the very flaw at the heart of taste tests).
They got us good.
We reached out to Anheuser-Busch for comment, and got this in reply:
Seriously, they actually sent us a Natural Light commercial. Apparently it's beneath the king of beers to respond to attacks this scurrilous; that's what hoosier cousins are for.
Did the Miller team watch the Natty Light takedown with tears of repentance? We can only hope. If nothing else, we can only hope they realized there was more to life than mathematical equations and tasting notes about aroma. This is beer, man. It's supposed to be fun.
And really .... have they no shame?
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