Big Papa John wants it bad.

The Kentucky-based pizza giant has nearly 5,000 locations nationwide, all ready to serve you a slice at the drop of a hat. If the chain's official St. Louis-area Twitter account is any indication, though, our local locations are, uh, really ready.

In the last 24 hours alone, the account has tweeted at more than fifty area residents, pushing pies with all the subtlety of an after-school special drug dealer.

"How about some brain food?" the account tweeted at a woman who mentioned she was studying. "Eat some pizza while you wait!" it replied to a woman who'd tagged Netflix in the hopes of more Gilmore Girls episodes. "After nap time, get some pizza!" it offered to a man who said he was tired.


It doesn't stop there, either. The chain has even been attempting to steal customers away from other local restaurants as well. When a woman tweeted at the new Clayton hotspot Sardella asking about wait times for lunch, the Papa was quick to swoop in. "Let us cook for you!" the account tweeted, prompting Sardella's James Beard award-winning owner/chef, Gerard Craft, to complain about the chain's bizarre behavior.


Some of the restaurants whose customers the account is trying to steal aren't even based in St. Louis. When a man named Jackson Barnett tweeted to Connecticut-based eatery called WesWings asking what they have to eat today, @PapaJohns_STL replied, "What can we bring you?"

Barnett seemed surprised: "You aren't WesWings."

"Yo Papa don't preach," WesWings shot back. "And while you're at it, back off our Jackson."


In short: Hoping for some mediocre pizza with a large side of desperation for dinner tonight? Papa John's has you covered!