It's crunch time for parents and kids in St. Louis. Time to come up with a quick Halloween joke for trick-or-treaters. Natives of St. Louis might not realize it, but our city is pretty unique when it comes to requiring that trick-or-treaters provide a joke in order to get candy. Des Moines, Iowa, is perhaps the only other U.S. city with such a tradition.
But enough about that: You need a joke for your kiddo, pronto. Fortunately, for four years now Riverfront Times has been collecting the best Halloween jokes as told by St. Louis trick-or-treaters. Below are 30 of the best* ones we've heard.
*Keep in mind, these are jokes delivered by five-year-olds, not Louis C.K.
1. What type of movies do pirates like? Rated ahrrrr.
2. Which circus performer is a vampire's favorite snack? The juggler.
3. What is a witch's favorite class? Spell-ing.
4. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
5. What's the difference between boogers and green beans? Kids won't eat green beans.
6. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
7. If you go into the bathroom an American and come out of the bathroom an American, what are you when you're inside the bathroom? European.
8. How do you spell boomerang? Oh, wait. It just came back to me.
9. What is Mozart doing now? De-composing.
10. What's the biggest joke in the world? The Chicago Cubs
Up next: More booger jokes! See also: 21 Best Halloween Candy of All Time
11. Why did the punk rocker cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
12. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke.
13. What key doesn't open a lock? A monkey.
14. What is the difference between aliens and jigsaw puzzles? One comes in peace, the other comes in pieces.
15. What's a wizard's favorite computer program? Spell check.
16. What is a black cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
17. Who won the monster dance contest? The boogie man.
18. How do you make a handkerchief dance? Put a little boogie in it.
19. Why do ghosts love going to the bar? Because all the boo-ze!
20. Why did the star go behind the cloud? It had to twinkle.
But wait! They get
worser better yet with local favorite: What's a vampire's favorite beer?
See also: 21 Worst Halloween Candies of All Time
21. Why can't witches have babies? Because their husbands have Halloweenies!
22. Why can't gyspies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls!
23. What did the skeleton order at the restaurant? Spare ribs.
24. Why don't vampires have friends? Because they're pains in the neck.
25. What do you get when you mix Frosty the Snowman with a vampire? Frost bite.
26. What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
27. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
28. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
29. Knock knock.Who's there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy.
30. What is black and white and red all over? (And not a newspaper.) A skunk in a blender.
31. What's a vampire's favorite drink? Blood Light.
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.