Dear Gut Check Readers,
The good people at Schlafly Beer would like to ask you two simple questions.
1. Are you about to turn 21?
2. Were your parents spending an inordinate amount of time at the newly opened Schlafly Tap Room (2100 Locust Street; 314-241-2337) in 1991 or 1992, about nine months before your birthday?
Then you -- yes, you -- could be the inaugural Schlafly Baby.
That is, if you even want to know the story of your conception. And then tell the entire city of St. Louis, too.
"It's not the classiest way to go, but it is kind of funny," says Troika Brodsky, communications director for the beermaker. "I don't think it's offensive."
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Brodsky says founder Tom Schlafly announced the idea onstage at the brewery's twenty-first birthday party at the Pageant back in January, but no one came forward. Brodsky sort of forgot about it until Schlafly brought it up again just recently.
"By his math, sort of the first opportunity would be this fall," says Brodsky. "He was kind of hoping this person existed and he could bring them up on stage for the HOP in the City Festival."
Part of the point would be to make sure that the kid's first legal sip of beer would be a Schlafly.
So parents, Brodsky wants to hear from you. Not all the "gory details" of the act itself, but where you were, what kind of Schlafly you were enjoying, what led up to the...encounter...and more about the resulting human.
It's all in good fun, but do not take the task lightly! Because it would be a bad idea to glorify black-out sex, Brodsky says people submitting their stories will need to be "creative" in how the describe how Schlafly played a role in conception. Here's an excerpt of the entry instructions:
By submitting your story, you are giving us permission to publish it, as well as your names, on our website and our social media platforms. Additionally, you should probably get permission from your son or daughter before submitting your story as this could potentially be embarrassing for them, but hopefully they will understand that this is pretty cool and mildly hilarious. DO NOT submit stories with inappropriate or explicit content as we can not publish it and I definitely don't want to read it. DO NOT submit stories highlighting or glorifying intoxication or over-serving; get creative with your writing and story-telling if you need to. The circumstances surrounding the conception of our Inaugural Schlafly Baby™ do not have to literally involve drinking Schlafly Beer; Schlafly Beer or The Schlafly Tap Room in our opening year simply must play an important or interesting role in the story and the story must be true.
There's no telling if there really is a Schlafly Baby out there yet -- when the Tap Room first opened the beer wasn't available in bottles yet, and the space itself was small. It could potentially be another year or so before the true Schlafly Baby comes of age, but the search begins now. And if it's successful enough, Brodsky says there could be a Schlafly baby every year -- the baby of 1993, the baby of 1994, and so on.
"I just hope somebody is going to write a really funny story that will end with, 'Nine months later we ended up with a bouncing baby,'" says Brodsky. "A child with a good sense of humor that happens to still live in St. Louis who will let us throw them a party."