Yesterday Gut Check learned that ice-cream chain Ben & Jerry's will release a new 30 Rock-themed ice cream tomorrow to coincide with the show's series' finale airing tomorrow night.
Until its official unveiling tomorrow afternoon the 30 Rock flavor is being kept under wraps, which left us curious, if not eager to suggest a few directions Ben & Jerry's could -- or maybe should -- take.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, but we here at Gut Check think any of these eight ice cream flavors would make fitting salutes to our beloved 30 Rock.
Werewolf Soy-Mitzvah (Spooky, Non-Dairy) At some point before starring on TGS, Tracy Jordon earned a gold record for a novelty party song he recorded called "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah." The song's straightforward chorus never fails to delight: "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah/Spooky, scary/Boys becoming men/Men becoming wolves."
Applied to ice cream, the novelty party song sees ice cream become non-dairy for lactose-intolerant, vegan or simply adventurous 30 Rock fans.
Cheesy Cake Blasters Liz Lemon loves cheese. If you want to buy her a drink at a bar, she'd prefer you buy her mozzarella sticks. She serenades cheese in a song called "Night Cheese" set to the tune of Bob Seger's "Night Moves." If you take her to a restaurant where the hors d'oeuvres are boxes of pure oxygen infused with saffron and white truffle oil she's going to call Jack and say she'd rather be at home eating a block of cheese. Liz's dentist had to print a special pamphlet just for her titled "Hard Cheeses and Your Root Canal, Liz," because, in his words, "It was expensive, but I'm really tired of discussing this with you."
And none of that begins to cover her obsession with Cheesy Blasters or its cartoon cat mascot, Meat Cat. Unfortunately science hasn't found a way to combine hard cheeses and ice cream (dammit all to hell, science), but cheesecake makes a reasonable substitution. Thus, we submit Cheesy Cake Blasters would make an excellent 30 Rock ice cream flavor. Muffin Topped Unlike Jenna Maroney's song "Muffin Top," the ice cream we have in mind with be neither "whole grain" nor "low fat" but still, you'll want a piece (ahem, a scoop?) or two of that.
Donaghy Estates Grape In Gut Check's honest opinion, one of the funniest first season episodes of 30 Rock is "The Source Awards." The Jack Donaghy subplot in this episode sees rapper Ghostface Killah promoting Jack's undrinkable sparkling wine Donaghy Estates, which according to wine critic Robert Parker's wine newsletter, "Tastes like Satan's urine after a hefty portion of asparagus."
For our purposes, we'll not lift from those tasting notes, but instead grape, because it's based on a varietal of sparkling wine, and because it kind of rhymes with "estates." Whatever. Donaghy Estates Grape would make a regal, if not unpalatable, ice cream flavor.
Tracy Jordan Almond, or "The Funcooker" Jordon almonds are a kind of love 'em or hate 'em candy, not unlike nutty Tracy Jordan. Of course we fall into the former category, but Tracy has his fair share of enemies: hip-hop producer Ridikolous, Conan O'Brien and the blue dude he only sees when he's off his meds, among others.
But if you embrace Tracy's crazy, Tracy Jordan Almond is the ice cream flavor for you.
30 Rocky Road Well, this one more or less wrote itself. Still, the classic rocky-road combination of chocolate ice cream, nuts and marshmallows is pure rich indulgence, words we also associate with watching an episode of 30 Rock.
Double Fudge, Dummies We probably have to thank Liz Lemon's unshakeable ex-boyfriend Dennis Duffy for adding "dummy" and "dummies" to Liz's regular list of insults. And thank him we do, because dammit, it makes us laugh every time. The word is so tied to Liz Lemon's character now that when Liz got married in season seven, the episode title was "Mazel Tov, Dummies!"
And though this is kind of leap, we're going to guess Liz also has a thing for fudge. Multiply that by two and you get "Double Fudge, Dummies," an ice cream flavor we'd happily -- if not carefully as to not insult Ben & Jerry's staff -- order any day, dummies.
Liz Lemony, or "Lesbian Yellow Sour Fruit" In yesterday's post we said we'd be kind of bummed if Ben and Jerry's named its 30 Rock flavor a too-obvious "Liz Lemony" or something of the like. While we do think that's too obvious a name, it would be awesome to have that character immortalized forever in...ice cream.
Thinking of Liz Lemon's name also reminds us of the season four episode "The Problem Solvers," wherein her name is translated in Chinese to Lesbian Yellow Sour Fruit on the cover of a knockoff book of Dealbreakers. Perhaps that, more than all of these other suggestions, best captures the spirit of 30 Rock in ice cream.