50 Shades of Buttercream, or the Top 10 Ways Cupcakes Are Like Sex


This photo has nothing to do with 50 Shades of Grey. OR DOES IT? - RFT PHOTO
  • RFT photo
  • This photo has nothing to do with 50 Shades of Grey. OR DOES IT?

Are you one of the millions of women whose yoni has been tickled by the naughty things that Christian does to Anastasia in 50 Shades of Grey?

Gut Check isn't, but we've been known to eat the occasional...cupcake...which is why an e-mail from Jilly's Cupcake Bar (8509 Delmar Boulevard, University City; 314-993-5455) not only captured our attention but tied it to the bedposts and lashed a cat o' nine tails up and down its spine until it begged for more.

Seems that for the entire month of September the Cupcake Wars champ is running a promotion called "50 Shades of Delish" -- yes, it's really called that -- offering such special cupcakes as the "50 Shades of Coco(a)," which features a filling of white chocolate-coconut rum whipped cream and a topping of dark and white cocoa ganache, coconut buttercream, toasted coconut and, we kid you not, an "edible silver mask."

But the more we thought about how much we enjoy eating...cupcakes...we couldn't help but think how much of the conventional cupcake wisdom can also apply to sex, and vice versa.

The Top 10 Ways Cupcakes Are Like Sex

10. Too much frosting is a bad idea.

9. Even though you want to get in there right quick, make sure to take off the wrapper first.

8. If you bring a dozen home, you'd better share.

7. Not everyone is into sprinkles.

6. Carrie Bradshaw brought a frank discussion of both into our living rooms.

5. While it shouldn't be too large, if you can fit the whole thing into your mouth at once, it's too small.

4. Go slowly. You don't want the filling to squirt out all at once.

So many...cupcakes...to eat, so little time. - RFT PHOTO
  • RFT photo
  • So many...cupcakes...to eat, so little time.

3. Eating more than one at the same sitting is a better idea in theory than in practice.

2. Plain old vanilla is underrated.

1. The moister, the better.

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