by Liz Miller
All right, so the end of days might be nigh. Is that an overreaction to learning that a buffalo-wing-flavored soda recently hit the market, as did a line of perfumes scented to smell like wine varieties? OK, perhaps it's a slight overreaction, but come on, when solid food becomes inspiration for libations and women pay $84 to smell like a bottle of Riesling, we have to wonder: Are the four horsemen closing in?
Gut Check is both curious and horrified by the thought of buffalo-wing-flavored soda, and unfortunately, the company that produces it, Lesters Fixins, doesn't distribute in the St. Louis area. Its products are available online through vintage soda and sweets company Rocket Fizz. But never one to pay for what we feel entitled to taste test for free, we've requested product samples to share our full report. Until then, we're left transfixed by the notion that soda could taste like buffalo wings, or any of the other flavors the company has created: bacon soda, sweet-corn soda, pumpkin-pie soda, coffee soda and peanut-butter-and-jelly soda.
The wine-inspired perfumes (which are sadly not safe to swig) are the boozy brainchildren of Kelly & Jones, a perfume outfit out of New York City that recently launched the Kelly & Jones Wine Notes Collection, featuring five perfumes scented like Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, Merlot, Cabernet and Chardonnay. The company claims the idea sprung from a wine-tasting party where guests were encouraged to savor the differing notes of each vino, which inspired the designers when their own perfume scents mingled with the aromatic wines.
Priced at $84 a bottle, Gut Check just doesn't understand this product -- and we're disappointed we didn't think of the idea first. Many are the nights that we overdo it on too many glasses of grape and wake up reeking of Riesling, but we've never thought to put a pleasant spin on it. With this perfume we could shame our friends and family into endorsing our drinking with ease, "Why, no, my scent isn't that of a weekend wine bender, it's $84 designer perfume, you classless rube!" For now, we'll try that plan sans pricey Kelly & Jones perfume. Instead, a jug of Carlo Rossi and a good old-fashioned walk 'o shame will have to suffice.