Kids inhale cow-shit-methane and nutmeg, they iDose and, of course, they do whip its. The lastest trend? Smuggling booze into school inside adorable little Gummy Bears. As you know, Gut Check is deeply concerned with the welfare of your precious little babies. So, we began investigating.
Kids, when you soak gummy bears in alcohol, they get drunk. And this is what happens.
So, that's what we did. And then we made another batch with rum ("rummy bears") and another with tequila (sub gummy worms for bears, naturally), labeled them with a nice note requesting that our fellow employees please abstain from eating our booze bears until further notice, and left the gummies to relax in their liquor-soaked orgy.
We drained the excess liquid and plopped the samples onto a plate. Our test subjects, a motley bunch of hard-drinking journalists, were intrigued and excited at the opportunity to get a buzz on at the office by eating adorable booze-soaked gummies.
- Each gummy tasted like rubbing alcohol, at first. Upon breaking through the surface, a vague sweetness comes through for approximately two seconds, before being replaced by the unpleasant sensation that you're chewing on a shot.
- While they sound like they could be tasty, booze bears are nearly inedible. Given their slick, slimy texture and horrific taste, one participant opted to simply swallow the bear whole, but gagged it back up in our intern's trash can. It wasn't pretty.
- This abomination is little more than a waste of really good candy and mediocre booze.
- After discussing the results, several participants agreed that gummy bears soaked in flavored vodka might actually be okay. Check back for an update on this front next week.
- If you're a concerned parent, you can take "vodka-soaked gummy bears" off your list of troubles. If a room full of experienced 20- and 30-somethings were unable to choke down even one of these bears without shouting, grimacing and tearing up, there is simply no way that a teen could stomach one under wraps in class. The entire office reeked of booze from the moment we opened the first mason jar. If kids are getting away with this in class, you have bigger fish to fry than teenage drinking -- a teacher would have to either be drunk or completely incompetent to not notice booze gummies were attending their class.
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