It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest
Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.
Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to maybe bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.
Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatily speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.
Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...
Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 13: Old Fashioned Hard Candies We're kids of the 21st century, and we like candy with spunk. Just the words "old fashioned" should scream out "lame." These are the stragglers that inevitably wind up at the bottom of candy bags when the new year rolls around -- candies so lame that kids don't even know what to do with them. Look at it this way: If it's not in a crystal bowl on an end table covered with a lace doily beside a floral soap opera couch in a house that smells like Grandma, it has no business being eaten by anyone on Halloween.
Click through to reveal No. 13 on the Best Halloween Candy list...
Best Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 13: Fun Dip What's not to like about a solid stick of sugar designed to be licked only to attract more sugar? When fun is in the name, you really can't lose. Fun Dip is an immediate time machine back to childhood, so when you get it on Halloween, get as much as you possibly can. Because you probably won't see it again until you order it along with nachos and hot dogs at your younger brother's/kid's Little League game.
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.