It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest
Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.
Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to maybe bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.
Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatily speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.
Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...
Best Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 15: Sour Patch Kids Many inferior candies start with the same base as Sour Patch Kids -- a soft, gummy candy in traditional fruit flavors. The makers of Sour Patch Kids excelled where others did not by coating their candy with crystals of sour sugar, creating a sweet-and-sour variety for the Halloween candy bag. They'll please anyone just looking for a sugar rush, and thanks to their shape, they're fun to play with, too. In fact, Gut Check discovered that Sour Patch Kids were originally known as Mars Men because the little alien-shaped candies were inspired by UFO sightings. What can be more Halloween-y than that?
Click through to reveal No. 15 on the Worst Halloween Candy list...
Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 15: Milk Duds There's no point in trying to come up with an argument for why Milk Duds doesn't belong on the worst candy list. Everything about them is unappealing, from their rock-hard, break-your-tooth texture to the odd taste. Is it chocolate? Is it milk? Is it milk chocolate? Who knows! These little yellow boxes always end up in the "no, thank you" pile, and even if a brave soul attempts to peer into a box of Milk Duds, they will not find individual "duds," but one big lump of inedible candy. Milk Duds, and every house that gives them out, are exactly that -- duds.