It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest
Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.
Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.
Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatly speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.
Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...
Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 20: 3 Musketeers 3 Musketeers commercials claim the fluffy candy bar offers "a lighter way to enjoy chocolate." Fair enough. A Snickers bar, for example, does contain twenty more calories and six more grams of fat than a 3 Musketeers bar. Of course, while Snickers bars have a satisfying, crunchy texture and a rich, nutty, chocolaty flavor, 3 Musketeers bars taste like burnt marshmallow creme with the texture of a block of Velveeta.
So, if you're looking for "a lighter way to enjoy chocolate," eat half of a real candy bar.
Click through to reveal No. 20 on the Best Halloween Candy list...
Best Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 20: Bottle Caps
The creators of Bottle Caps managed to harness a bit of the fizzy magic of Pop Rocks in a superior, non-messy form, complete with flavors that actually taste good. It's always a surprise to find these little guys at the bottom of your Halloween bucket, especially since the tiny, flat trick-or-treat size packages resemble those of their totally lame neighbor on the candy spectrum, Sweet Tarts. If someone in your neighborhood is rad enough to hand out the full-size tube package of Bottle Caps on Halloween, never, ever move.
Check out the rest of our Best and Worst Halloween Candy Countdown.
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.