As Ian reported yesterday, Arch West, the 97-year-old Texan who blessed the world with Doritos in 1966, passed away last week. His family plans to sprinkle Doritos into his final resting place.
While we wish no disrespect to West or his mourning family, we hope they won't be burying these beloved, discontinued Doritos flavors with him. If ever there was a time when Americans needs to stress-eat their long-gone nostalgic favorites, it's now.
Just look what happens in a world without Doritos. (Especially weirdly flavored ones.) it's not good!
Doritos Pizza Hut Cravers PepsiCo owns Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Dorito-maker Frito Lay, which explains why Taco Bell and Pizza Hut-themed Doritos have existed. They also own KFC. We don't understand why we haven't been blessed with a mashed potato and gravy-flavored version.
Sour Cream and Onion Doritos These days, it's all about how much heat and ridiculousness can be crammed into Dorito dust. Spicy Sweet Chili! Third Degree Burn! We'd like to return to a simpler time, when the fieriest flavor available was the tearful sting of an onion.
Extra-Crispy Doritos The question remains: If you can make an extra-crispy chip, why not make that the default? Is there a demand for chips that aren't so brazen and noisy? Also, how does one go about getting nacho cheese dust out of neck ruffles? Doritos Light Doritos lightened up a decade before introducing the version fried in olestra, the fat-type substance that introduced the term "anal leakage" into the lexicon. So we'll stick with the older light version.
Jumpin' Jack Cheese Doritos Further proof that Jay Leno ruins everything.
Doritos 3D Puff Doritos full of air and just watch the pretty ladies jump!
Fiery Habanero Doritos In case Arch West is punished for all eternity for the ravages his invention inflicted on human health, it would serve him right to be buried with these heat blasters.
Riverfront Times works for you, and your support is essential.
Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of St. Louis and beyond.
Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.
Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep St. Louis' true free press free.