It's no secret that Gut Check is super excited about Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls ice cream. While we're positive there's no better addition to ice cream than fudge-covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls filled with the essence of Alec Baldwin, we decided to take a look at the Saturday Night Live archives and see what other food marketing gold our civilization might be missing.
Smoothies weren't a big deal in the '70s. Not like they are today, with people investing in Vitamix blenders with enough horsepower to keep a fishing boat afloat. It's high time to make the Bassomatic available to consumers, perhaps as a tie-in with Dan Akroyd's vodka. Basso-daiquiris for everyone!
Justin Timberlake's in the restaurant business. Why in the hell hasn't he made Omeletville a reality?
Fiber supplements have gotten so damn fancy, what with Metamucil and the like running commercials with models and pretty colors on their packaging. What they neglect to mention is that fiber exists for one purpose: to make people poop, which they would do naturally if they didn't eat like crap. Let's get back to reality. Let's get some Colon Blow.
Forget the torta ahogada - it's not wrapped in a deep-dish Chicago-style pizza! You can only get that at Taco Town.
Yeah, there's a "better burger" chain named Cheeburger Cheeburger after the classic SNL sketch. That's where the resemblance ends. The burger chain is more faux '50s diner than Chicago Greek -- and it has fries. And why don't we have franchises of Samurai Delicatessen?
There's no shortage of restaurants with the word "mango" in the name, from the local Peruvian place to the national Red Mango fro-yo chain. And yet no one's using Mango as a spokesperson. Chris Kattan could probably use the money.
Corn chip nail tips aren't any more ridiculous than a lot of the current manicure trends, and at least they taste a little better.
Breakfast cereals keep getting more and more natural. And what could be more natural than a big bowl of Quarry?
With the new trend of marketing specialty beers to women, it's high time someone aimed at another untapped beer market and made some Schmitt's Gay.
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