While the rest of the food blogosphere was in a tizz yesterday about the Happy Hot Dog Man -- an As Seen on TV gadget that places strategic cuts in a hot dog to make it look somewhat human - Gut Check was trying to sort out another late-night atrocity witnessed during a fit of insomnia, a commercial even more disturbing than the episode of Squidbillies it was sponsoring.
Happy Hot Dog Man is nothing compared to the lazy insanity that is... Eggies!
Wow! Now we can take egg innards from their original, hideously flawed, shells and pour them into plastic shells for convenient cooking!
Now, let's think about this for a minute.
Has anyone, ever, spent a whole night peeling hard-boiled eggs? We can only think of a few occasions that might merit an all-night egg-peeling session:
Really, it's pretty safe to say that, outside the realm of TLC reality freak show programming, there's not much need for an all-night egg-peeler. Especially when you can just add a little salt to the pot to make peeling less like a job assigned to prison residents.
Eggies cook your egg just like a real shell, they say. You know what else cooks your egg like a real shell? An egg shell. Like the one that the egg arrived in.
But peeling one egg the regular way can take forever! If you're a toddler. And if that's the case, it becomes a developmental exercise.
There's nothing else like Eggies! Except, you know, egg shells.
$10 plus extra shipping and handling gets you a dozen Eggies and two of those plastic hinged egg-slicer thingies we all have in the back of the gadget drawer. For even less money, you can get an individual, disposal egg shell with every egg!
Where the hell are you going to store a dozen round-topped, rocket-bottomed egg-sized plastic containers, anyway? Maybe you can use those two egg-slicers to cut the lumber for the new shelf you're going to need.
But what are Eggies customers saying about this exciting new product?
Assembling an Eggie is like rebuilding a carburetor!
And the eggs? Stuck in the Eggie.