Burger King dubbed its newest limited-time burger, set loose in January, the Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse, conjuring visions of sitting in a dim back booth across from The Most Interesting Man in the World. Having never consumed a steak stuffed with peppers and cheese -- the closest food-product equivalent to which we can lay claim (as far as we can recall, anyway) is a Mexican Style Hot Pocket. That said, and after ingesting the latest from the BK "Steakhouse," we still haven't.
Consumed a steak stuffed with peppers and cheese, we mean.
Never one to shrink from a culinary challenge -- no matter how gray and/or greasy -- Gut Check poured a glass of cab, lit a cigar and unwrapped this newcomer to Burgerlandia.
Before the palate can do battle with BK's $3.99, 600-calorie take on nachos-inspired steak, its owner must conquer the "premium bakery bun" -- a kaiser roll of sorts, gussied up with cornmeal. Thicker than a Whopper, the patty itself reveals itself to be...a slab of processed meatloaf. Those press photos that promise a patchwork of jalapeño and cheese blobs (the latter looking more like corn kernels than processed curd, but why split hairs?), but under the harsh glare of our dining-nook incandescent, it becomes evident that BK's grill has charred away any hint of this burger's grotesque charm.
If any jalapeños are embedded in this patty-shaped burial ground, Gut Check can't find 'em -- at least not without resorting to a magnifying glass. Still, somewhere in here lurks a heat source. We can say this with confidence, having experienced its aftermath: a digestive tract that feels like it has been shot through with shrapnel.