One day Gut Check was sitting around the office enjoying an after-hours libation when someone said, "Hey, have you ever heard of a Red-Headed Slut?"
As a matter of fact, we had.
It soon became evident, however, that our colleague was referring to a cocktail. There quickly ensued a lengthy discussion about drinks with really weird names.
Which in turn led to the inevitable Drunken Google Search. The results:
12. The Royal Bitch Gut Check knows a few people we'd like to buy this drink for (here's lookin' at you, sis!). But think twice about ordering an RB for a new acquaintance when you're at the break-the-ice stage.
11. The Incredible Hulk Putting the smash in Hulk smash. This drink is strong enough to turn any mild-mannered scientist into a raging, half-clothed monster. Make Gut Check's a double.
10. Special K Safe to say it wasn't named after the cereal. Can you say ketamine?
9. Silk Panties They both go down smooth.
8. Mexican Midget Cocktail The most-asked-for beverage at lucha libres everywhere?
7. Morphine Drip You had us at "morphine."
6. Windex It's unclear why anyone would want to drink something that resembles Windex. Too easy to imagine getting super drunk and then dipping into the real stuff under the counter. That would be bad.
5. Suicidal Smurf Did you know Smurfs were communists? Five words for you: Socialist Men Under Red Father. Next, Google Karl Marx images and compare what you see to a pic of Papa Smurf. Look at those beards! Oh, and let's not forget Gargamel, the evil alchemist always trying to convert those happy little communal-living midgets into what? Gold. That's right: Glenn Beck hates smurfs. Drink up!
4. Dirty Girl Scout This is wrong on so many levels.
3. Apocalypse Now "I love the smell of vomit in the morning!"
2. Russian Quaalude Date rape in a cup, anyone? Seriously, they're not even trying to hide it.
1. Alaskan Duck Fart The most bizarre drink name ever. Only one question: what makes it Alaskan? A duck fart is a duck fart. (Although rumor has it that this is a favorite around the Palin household.)
Honorable Mention: 1-900-FUK-MEUP This cocktail would have made the list, but we were unable to locate a video demonstrating the proper way to make it.