13 New Names (Besides Corn Sugar) for High Fructose Corn Syrup [Updated]

by

comment
corn0915_thumb_565x370.jpg
As Robin reported in today's Morning Brew, Gut Check's dear friends at the Corn Refiners Association is trying to gain permission to market high fructose corn syrup as "corn sugar."

The cynic inside us doesn't begrudge the Corn Refiners Association this attempt at damage control, but we feel compelled to point out that, quite frankly, the name corn sugar sucks. We invite members of the association -- and you! -- to follow us after the jump for our suggestions.

Update: (Tuesday, 9.21, 10:30 a.m.) Marion Nestle, writing for the food blog of The Atlantic, reports that the FDA already recognizes "Corn Sugar." Corn Refiners Association: You need our list now more than ever!

1) A-maize-ing Syrup
2) Cob-Boom!
3) Corn Dew
4) Dr. Gut Check's Machine-Sweetened Corn Squeezin's, a Natural Tonic
5) Ear Syrup
6) Everlasting Cobstopper
7) Fructopia
8) Iowan Blood
9) Kernal Klink's Sugar Drink
10) NECTAR*
11) Schuckin' A
12) Soda Oil
13) Type II Dia-best-es

* - New Energy Corn-Treated Artificial Repast-enhancer

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.