by Ian Froeb
A new feature in which Gut Check attempts to find an effective energy drink...that doesn't taste like ass.
Name: Steaz Energy (Lime)
Size: 12 oz.
Boast: "...the world's first functional energy drink with respect for the community and the environment." Certified USDA organic, fair trade and vegan.
The stats and the effects after the jump...
Caffeine: 80 mg -- though the can doesn't make clear whether that's per 8 oz. serving or for the whole 12 oz. can.
Other Key Ingredients: Green tea, acai juice, guarana extract, yerba mate extract
Appearance: A pale gold like straw or ginger ale, lightly effervescent.
Aroma: A blend of green tea and cough medicine. No lime at all.
Flavor: Ginger snaps, toast, honey-flavored Ricola cough drops. Moderately ass-like.
Immediate Reaction: Not much. But I've already had, like, 30 oz. of coffee by this point.
30 Minutes Later: Jimmy leg, slightly dazed. Working quickly.
1 Hour Later: Heart racing. Easily distracted. Working even more quickly.
90 Minutes Later: Heartbeat slightly calmer.
8 Hours (and Several Alcoholic Drinks) Later: Throwing together dinner from farmers' market ingredients. Slamming. Cooking, getting dishes in dishwasher, plating. Whoooooo.
Overall: I wouldn't want to drink this again, but I got a lot done.